Imagine you walk into a room you immediately size yourself up in comparison to others in the room. You look around and notice other people’s sizes and then compare to yours.
You’ve done this right? Somehow no one has taught us this exercise yet, so many of us do it instinctually.
We have been programmed to compare ourselves to others and to somehow view our worth based on the size and appearance of our bodies.
Ever think, hey, at least I am not the largest one in the room?
Let’s STOP!
Why? Because when we are engaging in such mental patterns, we are instantly focusing our worth based on our size, bodies and appearance. No one wins at that game!
Because even if you are the smallest, prettiest, most toned in the room, you’re focusing your worth on your body and that is hidden in self hate, not enoughness, and shame. Comparisons are based on anxiety.
Your worth could never be related to your weight, your body, appearance or your size.
It may take some rewiring to really believe that message, but it’s true.
Your value could never be calculated by a single number.
Want to stop body comparisons, here’s how:
Step 1: Recognize when you are comparing.
The very first step to changing behavior is to acknowledge that it is even happening in the first place. If we do not have awareness of our behavior, we are not able to change it.
So, it’s simple, notice when it is happening.
Step 2. Use the STOP skill, from DBT therapy by Marsha Linehan.
You will STOP thinking of the comparison. Just stop!
S- STOP
T- Take a step back
O- Observe
P- Proceed mindfully
Now let’s TAKE A STEP BACK. Zoom out, be curious.
OBSERVE. Be willing to look at the situation from an outside perspective. Is this thinking helping or hurting you?
PROCEED MINDFULLY, what do you want to be thinking? What is it that you want from this experience? Is comparing the best way to use your mental energy at this time or is there a different way you would like to proceed?
Step 3: Examine how and why comparisons help or hurt you.
When you find yourself in this body comparison do you ever feel better? Probably not. Does this behavior make you feel fulfilled, happy or confident- most likely not. Do comparisons leave you to feel you are acting as the best version of yourself- nope!
It helps to know why we compare. First of all, we are human so it is human to want to feel we are ok, to protect our self esteem/ worth. We have also been conditioned to believe we need the “best” of everything- our bodies, things, experiences, wealth, power etc.
We find ourselves comparing in both upwards and downwards ways to protect our sense of self or it allows us to feel worse about ourselves when we decide we don’t measure up.
The idea we relate our worth to our bodies comes strictly from diet culture in which we are taught to be smaller is better, to be toned is more desirable, to be thin is to be beautiful. So it’s no surprise we want to be those things.
The issue is, this isn’t a true way to feel good about ourselves. It’s empty.
The answer: To stop comparing altogether!
This may feel like something challenging to do, however it will be worth it. Comparison really is the thief of joy. Comparing our bodies is lessening ourselves to our appearance, which is not who we are as people.
Body comparisons can be harmful to us and do not serve us well. We may continue to do it from a place of anxiety that is not our true selves.
Remember, it does not serve us to place our worth on our appearance. Nor does it help to attempt to place our esteem on our bodies.
When we can see our true worth and value, we see the potential, strengths, power within ourselves. We see we have value, regardless of our bodies. We believe we are worthy and deserve happiness, not matter what the scale says!
Stop comparing, start living, see your worth and the worth of others in the room. No one is “better” because they have a different body or the body you think you want
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