Do you want to lose weight? Does that feel like the answer to feeling better?… I think not! Hear me out!
At any given time 1 and 4 adults in the United States are trying to lose weight.
What is our obsession with weight and does it really have anything to do with losing weight at all?
The short answer, NO. Losing weight has other intentions altogether, although we may not be consciously aware of these other drives we find within ourselves. Unaware of what we are truly searching for, we stick to what’s familiar. Hey! I need to lose some weight. Of course this thought is familiar when people around us are constantly dieting, working towards weight loss or discussing the recent diet fad.
At any point when a person is aiming to lose weight, there is almost always internal distress that is impacting us that we are projecting outwardly onto our bodies. Whether we recognize it or not, there’s an internalized narrative going on saying, we are not good enough as we are today. Something is not right and it needs to be changed. We often hold shame and internal self judgment about our size, weight, and body. So it’s easy to see losing the “weight” as the answer.
What is the actual “weight” for us?
I had a client spell it out perfectly once. The weight for her was “physical baggage” of all the ways in which she felt not good enough.
The physical weight we carry usually holds an emotional toll for us when we are trying to shed the physical size of ourselves.
We somehow become better versions of ourselves if we become smaller. But unfortunately the negatively held beliefs will remain. We must work through the emotional pain we hold about our bodies to really heal.
The idea of smaller is better is rooted in diet culture that teaches us to strive for thinness, overweight bodies are unacceptable and to be in a larger body is “bad” for our health.
So why do we focus on weight? Weight is associated with so many things we deem positive, such as acceptance, love, joy, health, popularity, charisma, power, success, etc. Have you ever watched a perfume or cologne commercial? Is anyone in a higher weight body?…no!
That’s because we have internalized ideas about what it means to be thin and what it means to be in a larger body.
To be in a larger body is seen as undesired, lazy, unhealthy, unmotivated, disgusting even. But these are also messages we have chosen to buy into. It does not make them true.
Repeat, it DOES NOT make them true. We have been bombarded with these messages but it does not make them true that larger bodied people are less worthy.
So, what do we really want?
Acceptance, love, to feel in control
It really breaks down to a few things:
Acceptance/ love:
When we believe we need to be smaller, we believe we will be more acceptable to others. This may be romantically, or not. We may feel we are more acceptable in society overall because there is so much fat phobia that exists in our world. To some degree, due to fat phobia this is true that people are judgmental and some people are harsher, less compassionate and hold hatred towards those in larger bodies. Not to mention our medical industry is extremely biased towards people in larger bodies. Your desire to lose weight in this regard is valid. However it is not the answer. The solution is to work through your internalized beliefs about your body and to find a provider who practices with the mentality of Health At Every Size, although this can be a challenge. It is ok to feel a desire to escape the criticisms of fat phobia. However, escaping your body is not the answer. The answer is to work towards body tolerance and to challenge the beauty ideals.
Health:
People often associate weight loss with health. However, this is not actually the case. You can achieve greater health outcomes in a lot of ways without weight being at the forefront. I am going to guess when you stepped onto the scale and noticed the number did not move you were not actually questioning if your health was better or worse that day. We fall into this cognitive mistruth because it is so widely prescribed by medical providers. However these recommendations are highly hurtful and have not actually been shown to improve health outcomes.
More on this to follow below
To feel in control:
Life often is out of our hands, in order to feel more in control we manage what we eat of course. Except this isn’t the most helpful way to go about things. Control, power, success, money all go hand in hand. I believe that people feel if they can manage what they eat/ their weight these other pieces fall into place as well. Having true control over what we eat comes from a place of being intuitive about what our bodies need so we are making decisions on what’s best for us, not as a means to lose weight.
You can work on your health without losing weight
There’s a lot to unpack in what the actual “weight” is for us. Too much to possibly discuss in one post, however I will focus on health.
Let me start with this: THERE IS A HUGE MISCONCEPTION ABOUT WEIGHT LOSS IMPROVING HEALTH OUTCOMES.
It is true that people in higher weight bodies have a huge disadvantage in the eyes of the majority of the medical community as they are biased against and often do not receive adequate health care due to size.
THIS Really sucks!
Weight loss is prescribed time and time again, even though science and research has shown this to be ineffective.
Here are some ways you can actually work on your health:
Find a way to enjoyably move your body
Find balance with food, eat for enjoyment and nourishment
Work on your sleep hygiene
Practice daily self care to improve your mental health
Explore a current goal and go for it (not related to weight loss)
Invest in a relationship
Find meaning or purpose in an activity or task and do it
Pray, meditate, practice your spirituality or religion
None of these have to do with weight and can have significant positive health outcomes.
We need to stop buying into the idea that weight is indicative of health. There are people in higher weight bodies with great health markers and people in smaller bodies with very poor health.
To summarize, when we are looking to lose weight, we are really looking for a way to be more acceptable to ourselves, others or both. The physical weight is not what needs to change rather than our emotional mindset around our bodies. This is hard work and emotionally tolling work. AND, it can be done!
If you’re ready to change your relationship with your body I highly advise working with a therapist in your goals.
It’s time for change, but the right kind of change!
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